Friday, June 29

D-Ray reaction

Is it just me but when the D-Rays lose, they lose is fan-torturing, hair pulling, expletive throwing fashion? I thought to understand this torture; I would consult chief D-Ray scientist and scholar Elijah Dukes, who has come up with a variety of reactions and reflexes that we D-rays fans frequently utilize….

A- The “Knee Jerk Reaction”- A staple in avid sports fans repertoire, the “knee jerk reaction” usually entails uncontrolled flailing of the limbs while screaming for one’s team. If not controlled the “knee-jerk” as it is known, can destroy tables, injure nearby puppies and causing scenes at nearby Beef-O-Bradys.

B- The Maddon Reflex- Primarily used for Devil Ray games, the Maddon Reflex causes the fan to unleash well-deserved verbal lashings to the incompetent skipper. More uncommonly, The Maddon reflex can be used for a variety of purposes. (I.E. The weather is rainy because of Joe Maddon. Joe Maddon caused Global Warming. Joe Maddon started hurricane Katrina….etc.)

C- The Expletive tosser- a personal favorite, this reflex can break up a quiet evening at a local eatery and at the same time, cause marital problems and in rare cases mentally damage a nearby youngster.

D- The Destroyer- predominantly used by the most passionate of Rays fans, the Destroyer is mainly responsible for all the broken coffee table, lamps, remotes and televisions in an avid Ray fans households.

E- The passive-aggressive- The passive aggressive is a method used by the most emotionally worn fan of them all; the fan who has seen the same season unfold year after year, game after game. The “PA” as professor Dukes calls it, simply changes the channel in the sixth inning knowing his team will blow their 5 run lead.

So what’s your reaction Devil Ray nation? Is it A? Is it all of the above?

Feel free to chime in on your reaction type and we will be sure to forward it to Dr. Dukes….

Wednesday, June 27


Speaking about going overboard, Takeru "Tsunami" Kobayashi, who has won six straight Nathan's Famous hot dog eating contests, suffered a serious jaw injury while training for the July 4 event, in what some are calling "jaw-thritis". Kobayashi, in case you don't pay attention to the world of competive eating, had upped the ante last year with a world record 53¾ hot dogs in 12 minutes! But word on the street is, Joey "Jaws" Chestnut, recently broke that record by inhaling 59½ dogs in a Nathan's Famous regional qualifier, setting the stage for an epic showdown next month. Competive Eating? God Damn I love this country...

Tuesday, June 26

On Going Overboard

Here are the nomines in the ESPY Best Male Athlete category:

Roger Federer
Payton Manning
Lebron James
Ladainian Tomlinson
Tiger Woods

Let's kick it Sesame-stylee and ask which one of these things is not like the other?

If you answered LEBRON FREAKING JAMES you are correct.

Lebron kicks ass at basketball and he goes to the rim probably better than anyone in the game, maybe -- excluding Shaq and Wilt and, really, all centers -- ever. But Lebron James has one major flaw: he's not even the best player in his own league.

How the hell can you be "best" if you clearly aren't the best in your own waters?

For the record, I think this sort of award/title is pointless. Ditto for "all-time great" lists. How great would Babe be with the type of technological scrutiny that goes into the scouting report nowadays (not to mention he likely couldn't crank cigars, get smashed and bang hookers, which boosted his career HR total by 241)? How great would Ali the promoter be with today's non-stop media train (TO anyone?)?

But, really, Lebron...nope.

Find me one category -- other than minutes and hype -- that Lebron lead last season and I will fart on my hand, bottle the fart and smash myself in the face with the bottle.

On a per points basis (Points + Rebounds + Assists) Kobe Bryant is the best player in the NBA. Lebron does have better Steal/TO and Steal/TOF which likely led to more team points, but not enough to over take KobMe Cryant.

And there aren't any baseball players on the list, WFT? What about arguably one of the best baseball players ever, Barry Bonds (for the record: before 2000 Bonds was on a pace for 700 dingers), or A-Rod who is hitting like he was in a domestic dispute episode of Cops?

How about Michael Phelps? The guy only won 6 gold medals in the last Olympics. No freaking biggie (Lebron's medal total in same Olympics: fact Phelps would be the only guy on the list with a medal) And hell, how about dropping 4 new world records this year. But, nah. Lebron -- whose only record held is "Most Fingernails Digested in a Single Year" -, yeah, farrrr better choice.

Or with the Olympics including the X-Games now, Shaun White or Kelly Slater? NEWS FLASH: those guys don't suck at very hard things to do. Things some would even consider athletic.

Since this dumb award isn't confined to US athletes -- given the presence of the Swiss Beast -- what about marathon runner Robert Kipkoech Cheruiyot who has owned the Boston Marathon 3 times in the last 4 years? Or Liu Xiang, the Chinamen who set a new 110 meter hurdle record this year and stands to win Gold again in Beijing? I WATCHED A RACE OF HIS AND HE BEAT 6 BLACK GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is why people hate what the sports media has being churning out latley, it always reeks of cold cash and marketing.

Monday, June 25

The Greatest Ever?

I think we should all pay respects to the greatest baseball player of our era. Nope not that guy, the guy that juiced up and hit all those home runs. The man I'm talking about is Ken Griffey Jr, not only one of the greatest hitters of our era but one of the biggest class acts of all time. Despite missing 4 or so seasons of baseball in his prime, Griffey on sunday passed Mark Mcgwire for seventh all time, hitting two jacks and totalling his home runs to 584. It just so happens he hit the two bombs in Seattle, a place he had called home for some eleven seasons.

"It was more than I expected, a lot more than I expected," Griffey said of the reception. "To have that many people, for that long, cheer for you was pretty unbelievable."
Griffey kept his composure, but it wasn't easy.
"I had to take a couple of deep breaths during the ovations," he said. "It was touching, but I didn't want to start crying so I could go home and have my kids say, 'Daddy, you (were) a punk."

Lets not forget his modesty, which by the way, is second to none...

“You play long enough, you hit a few out and you catch people,” Griffey said after Sunday's game.

To me, the guy is a class act, belonging to the same class of personal favorites like Reggie Miller, Larry Bird, Troy Brown,John Stockton, Cal Ripken Jr, that I respect not just for their dedication to their orginization but the appreciation they created and the fans they entertained. I could never understand how people could not like Griffey, that calm batting stance, the way he used to absolutely cover any ball hit into center field in the infamously shitty Kingdome. Lets not forget the backwards hat and diamond earing look he made popular. I could go on and on about his humanitarian efforts and how much he has invested in the make-a-wish foundation, but I've gotta get back to work. Keep it up Griffey....

Friday, June 22

Say What?

I caught Peter Gammons on ESPN radio Thursday attempting to deflect criticism from Sammy Sosa and his alleged roid usage. Mainly what it would do to his hall of fame chances It was mega stupid.

I like Peter, I think he does a good job relaying to us, the viewers, what he hears from scouts, managers, players and ownership. His opinion...not so much.

Peter was trying to equate pitchers who doctor balls to people who use roids; which is laughable, but this, this is just absurd:

"But what about Hall of Famers who doctor baseballs? I mean, a spitball could get away and kill someone, steroids never killed anyone, only killed baseballs."

Um...sorry Peter, I could link to the myriad of websites that explain just why that statement is utterly preposterous, or just say to an audience of none that you are full of shit. I choose you are full of shit.

Wednesday, June 20

The O.G. Roid Rager

Let's not forget one of America's original steroid pioneers...

Spinach power or the power of liquid testosterone injections to the ass?

Giambi Steroid questioning?

Apparantely Jason Giambi is being summoned by another Grand Jury to discuss steriods.

Really...Jason Giambi did steriods? I am absolutely shocked. I love how Selig and the rest of the Mlb execs, every once in awhile pretend that they care about steriods. It is all a game with these people; a way to keep a good repoire with the fans who don't like seeing such an american staple be tarnishe by the use of illegal substances. I've talked about it till I was blue in the face; steriods use was rampant in the 90's and to pinpoint just some of the top players (Giambi,Bonds,Canseco, McGwire) is just wrong. To me, it's like punishing people for rampant cocaine use in the seventies. As long as they don't do it anymore, who cares? Who are we to punish people for belonging to a drug-fueled era? I mean unless they change like this....

or this....

A @#!&!* Great Commercial

Next time that shitty Sponge Bob No Pants BK commercial is on pretend it's this one instead.

Dukes, Redux

The interview posted by Absnaz is freaking great.

Elijah Dukes says "first of all" before every statement he makes. 500 excuses later he still drops "first of all" bombs.

And his knowledge of the crack game is intense.

Tuesday, June 19

Elijah Dukes

You can take the man out of the ghetto but you cannot take the ghetto out of the man. On 620 WDAE this morning, Elijah Dukes fired off about how he is being wrongly labeled as a troublemaker. In case you don't pay attention, the guy has six kids with five different women, threatned to kill one of them and more recently, impregnated a seventeen year old girl who was living with his grandmother. His mom came out publicly last week and stated it wasn't Elijah's fault.

This is a direct quote from his mom (seriously):
"Every time one of those (whores) lays down with my baby, they end up pregnant," she said. "That's right. And I'm tired of them."

Below is a link to the rather funny interview from this morning..

Dukes Interview

Monday, June 18

Beavers Plow ASU

The Oregon State Beavers contiuned their unlikely march towards a repeat College World Series title today, destroying the 5th ranked Arizona State Sun Devils.

With the win OSU remains in the winner's bracket, likely to play Arizona State again before advancing to the championship game.

OSU is located in Corvallis...which brings us to this completely unrelated-sports-but-funny-as-hell story:

A US teenager has been arrested after he was caught on video having sex with a horse in a barn.

The owners of the barn in Corvallis, Oregon, had installed the video surveillance camera after previous assaults on the horse, reports the Corvallis Gazette-Times.

They were shocked to see footage of the teen sexually assaulting the mare when they checked the video in February.

Deputy Clay Stephens, who viewed the video, said the youth seemed very practiced, not hurried but not wasting any time. He seemed to be following a "very concise, deliberate, well-thought-out plan".

I'd hate to see what kind of gang bangs could occur if OSU repeats.

Saturday, June 16

BJ Objects

The lawyer for Genarlow Wilson, the high school football stud facing a 10 year jail sentence for oral sex with a minor, is named B.J.


A laywer named BJ is defending a guy in jail for a BJ.


Great Moments In Broadcast History

A few gems from the booth, this week in sports:

Game 4 Spurs/Cavs:

Mark Jackson: Eva invited me to their wedding today, did you guys get your invites?
Van Gundy: I don't believe you

OSU/Cal St Fullerton College World Series:
Mike Patrick to Oral Hershiser: Did they get that picture from your MySpace account?
Oral, completely unaware that it was a joke: No, I don't have one

Friday, June 15

Dear Yankee Fans

Dear Yankee Fans,

Congratualtaions or your latest win streak. Though I hate you, I can't ignore the fact you will most likely still win the division, despite your absolutely terrible start of the season. With that being said, your team as we know it is history. You simply can't go out and get a bunch of expensive players and expect them to win championships. Remember when you guys won all those games in 1998? You think that was luck or something? That was arguably one of the greatest teams to ever play. I'd even put that team in the same class as the Oakland teams or Reds teams of the 70's, Johnny Bench and Pete Rose, Reggie Jackson and a plethera of hall of famers. This was not because you guys had an expensive payroll, but because you had ROLE PLAYERS(Brosius,O' Neill,Knoblauch,Chad Curtis, Joe Girardi). Granted your rotation was much much better with guys like Cone, El Duque in his prime...etc. But I mean, Scott Brosius was the MVP for christ's sake. The truth is, you cannot buy chemistry (coughs: Washington Redskins...sorry I had something in my throat..haha).The fact is, your championship drought will continue unless Steinbrenner invests in his TEAM rather than it's PLAYERS. Good luck Yanks fans you won't win another one until your philosophy and your constant attempts to ruin the game of baseball cease and desist.

Yours Truly,

Bryan "The tortured D-ray fan" Abznaz

Dear Asante

Dear Asante,
You are officially a waste of talent and are not just letting me down, your letting your team,tons of patriot fans and UCF Alumni down. How did you not show up to Marquise Hill's funeral? What did he have to do with you "getting paid"? Once that happened, I lost all respect for you man. You had a good year last year and have gotten more and more acclimated to our defense with each passing season. Have one more good year like that and you will "Get Paid". However, If you think you need to be paid like you are the greatest CB in the leauge you are wrong. You couldn't even hold a candle to guys like Champ Bailey. Go ahead man, go test free agency waters, end up on that long list of pats player that thought the grass was greener; only to see there careers tumble,performance drop dramatically, and miss out on superbowls. Call up your boys Branch, Givens, Milloy, Law, Woody, Andruzzi, [insert Pats player here], I'm sure they would be able to advise you more clearly, since I am just a "homer", a loyal pats fan who knows nothing about football.Happy trails, Asante. Now please get off my f-ing team.

Bryan "Get Paid" Abznaz

Thursday, June 14

Turning Point?

If game 4 ends with the Cavs on top remember this play: Cavs up by one, their first lead since early in the first, Lebron misses a wide open look. The ball appears poised to fall into the hands of one of the 3 Spurs under the hoop, yet Anderson Varejo hustles in -- somehow avoiding an over-the-back -- and taps the ball back to Lebron. Soon the Cavs are up by 3.

Remember this play, the media surely won't.

Game 4 Awesomeness

THE GAME JUST STARTED, after Lebron hit his first shot the on-air exchange was like so:

Main color-commentary guy: Lebron hits a mid-range jumper, something he's been doing all series long"
Van Gundy: Lebron's missed his last 17 shots outside the paint (something about why he made this one)

Um...that's not contradictory. Nope. Not at all.

Tuesday, June 12

Old man face

Enough about sports, we should talk a bout a serious illness that strikes one in every ten adult males. It's called "Old man face" (not very creative name I know) and it is quitely among the top conditions in America. It's time to raise awarness of this socially debilitating disease, not for me or you, but for that little kid that goes to his second grade class with a full-grown goatee, for that poor fifth grader with the gray ear hair and skin discolarations. I have been blessed with having a young face but feel we should begin to help out those who aren't as fortunate.

Above you will see a picture of the Oden twins at last night's game. If you care enough, please make a donation today.


Sunday, June 10


During halftime of the Spurs/Cavs game the Heads discussed the Coach Brown's decision to bench LeBron with 2 fouls and leave him on the pine the entire first quarter. You got the impression that LeBron being out really hurt the Cavs in the first half.

LeBron in the first half: - 14
LeBron on the bench: - 7

I somehow don't see that as the culprit.

BY THE WAY, Jeff Van Gundy is awesome. I always thought that a guy who looked like he did would talk like a cartoonish dweeb. Nope. The guy makes jokes non-stop and most of them are gems. Plus, during a talk about Cavs lacking energy and all those buzz words that have nothing to do with the

The Race Continues

The race to the bottom is heating up:

Kansas City .365
Texas .371
Cincinnati .381
Washington .419
Pittsburgh .419
Houston .426

Based on runs scored/runs against Washington has an expected win % of .381. Tampa Bay is still in the hunt with their expected win/loss is .390. Much of that is due to their erratic bullpen jacking up their RA in blowouts.

Saturday, June 9

Fact-Checking The LeBron Hype

When a player is deemed great by the media a certain ineffable aura appears around them. Not in my eyes, mind you, but in the eyes of sports talking-heads across the country.

Derrick Jeter is the probably the best example of this in modern sports.

EVERYTHING Jeter does is powered by some supernatural force and though they don't yet have the capacity to measure ESP, the talking-heads are all but certain he is regularly willing his team to victory. Which is weird, because, you know, sometimes they lose and I'd imagine Jeter really wants his team to win those games also.

Which brings us to LeBron.

ANY attempt to downplay his OVERALL playoff performance (because, yes, he put the numbers up twice in the Pistons series in two critical games. He also came close to AVERAGING a triple-double in that series which is phenomenal) But how much credit should the supposed heir to His Airness' throne get for that kind of thing?) will be met with response relating to his presence, his leadership, his sheer determination to win and you can't really combat that kind of argument.

Here's the thing: there aren't stats relating to presence, leadership or determination. There are just stats that happen to do a fairly decent job at reflecting a players contribution to his team. While stats do lack context, and in the case of LeBron being double and triple teamed it does affect the bottom stat line -- you can't account for context influence by just assuming that is was there. That LeBron was double-teamed and his teammates had open looks due to him drawing coverage.


The only way to account for context is to watch every play and note exactly when, where and how each play occurred. For every player on every play. And wouldn't those stats be fun?


It's just not feasible.

So called "presence" doesn't seem to exist anywhere outside of sports which would seem to undermine it's very existence. LeBron doesn't pull into a long drive-thru line at Arby's and the people inside just somehow start working faster.

And while poor leadership certainly can affect performance, be it a boss who makes negative comments or a coach who puts to much undue pressure on players, great leadership (outside of life and death situations where people are quite literally losing their heads) also only does so much -- and it's only serving to allow players to play at their peak level through helping win the mental battle.

As for the passionate "we aren't going lose this game" speech -- it's overrated. In all my years of playing sports and listening to these impassioned pleas for performance I never noticed a direct correlation to speeches and performance. Sometimes after the guy who over-compensated for his questionable sexuality yelled to us, "WE'RE NOT GOING TO LET THESE FAGGOTS BEAT US, ARE WE?" we did string together a great comeback rally to be the Lambda Pride in the ninth, but what about all the other times that speech had no effect whatsoever

So let's look at the only measure of contribution we have to find out just how great LeBron has been; the stats.

Remember, the point of this isn't to downplay what LeBron has done, which has been in mind what the best player on any team should do, but to derail the hype-train.


Kobe Bryant 32.8
Antawn Jamison 32.0
Carmelo Anthony 26.8
Amare Stoudemire 25.3
Tracy McGrady 25.3
Baron Davis 25.3
Ming Yao 25.1
LeBron James 25.1
Carlos Boozer 23.1
Dwyane Wade 23.1

LeBron has also played more minutes per game than any player in the playoffs.


Steve Nash 13.3
Antonio Daniels 11.8
Jason Kidd 10.9
Deron Williams 8.6
LeBron James 8.0

Impressive that LeBron is the only player on this list among the top-10 scorers. He is responsible for roughly 40 pts of his teams offense. Nash and Williams being close to 40 also. When you factor in AST/To ratio LeBron drops to 13th with 2.78 a game.

Where LeBron should get the most credit is where Cleveland won the Conference Finals: defense. LeBron led the Conference Finals with 16 steals, helping hold Detroit to only 86 PPG. This is a -.5.47 differential from their playoff average and -10 from their regular season average.

Giving credit where credit is due? Nah. Let's just keep talking about the offensive greatness that is only slightly present in the stats. That makes sense.

Here's another crazy stat to look out for: LeBron plays far better on short rest, almost leading the playoffs in PPG after one day rest, but (though the amount of games is small for statistical comparison) worse after more days rest, whereas the Spurs big-three all increase their PPG on longer rest. Game 2 is after 4 days rest. Good luck, King.

Thursday, June 7


Time to add another sports-ism to the list of sports-isms that we hate. This list includes the oft-used "This team just isn't built for 3rd and long"...because we all know that the goal of every GM is to make a team that shines in those 3rd and a bunch situations.

During the Spurs/Cavs: topic being the Cavs only down 6 with LeBron still without a FG.

"The Cavs have to be happy with that score. They are only worried about getting those other guys started. LeBron is good enough that he can make shots when he wants to."
Remember this was about Lebron going 0 for 6, those 6 shots, we must assume given that statement, shots that he didn't really want to make.

Ultimately, at some point during these finals, the Cavs starters not dubbed "The Chosen One" will be blamed for the team's performance but how does that statement square with their stout D in the first quarter of game one and ending the first half only down by 5 while Lebron is without a FG?

New Blogger No More

Billy Donavon has informed us that he made poor desicion and will no longer be blogging here.

What kind of grown-ass-man is named Billy anyway?

New Blogger

We'd like to welcome the former Head Coach of the Orlando Magic, Billy Donavon, to the Sporting Naz lineup. We look forward to having you around, Billy.

Wednesday, June 6

NBA Finals

Anyone have prediction on the NBA Finals?

I think Cleveland has a better shot than most people would think...

Am I blogging to myself?

You betcha.

D-Ray blowpen

I don't get worked up about much....But the D-rays need to begin a scutinous process of self evaluation....


How are any of those bullpen pitchers still in the Majors?

How do you go into an offseason with leauges worst bullpen and do absolutely nothing about it?

How long will fans put up with this?

When are you going to spend some money on your ROSTER?

How could you think of drafting anyone but David Price in the Mlb Draft?

Is Shawn Camp the worst pitcher in the game?

Has Brian Stokes ever recorded an out in his entire pitching career?