Friday, June 29

D-Ray reaction

Is it just me but when the D-Rays lose, they lose is fan-torturing, hair pulling, expletive throwing fashion? I thought to understand this torture; I would consult chief D-Ray scientist and scholar Elijah Dukes, who has come up with a variety of reactions and reflexes that we D-rays fans frequently utilize….

A- The “Knee Jerk Reaction”- A staple in avid sports fans repertoire, the “knee jerk reaction” usually entails uncontrolled flailing of the limbs while screaming for one’s team. If not controlled the “knee-jerk” as it is known, can destroy tables, injure nearby puppies and causing scenes at nearby Beef-O-Bradys.

B- The Maddon Reflex- Primarily used for Devil Ray games, the Maddon Reflex causes the fan to unleash well-deserved verbal lashings to the incompetent skipper. More uncommonly, The Maddon reflex can be used for a variety of purposes. (I.E. The weather is rainy because of Joe Maddon. Joe Maddon caused Global Warming. Joe Maddon started hurricane Katrina….etc.)

C- The Expletive tosser- a personal favorite, this reflex can break up a quiet evening at a local eatery and at the same time, cause marital problems and in rare cases mentally damage a nearby youngster.

D- The Destroyer- predominantly used by the most passionate of Rays fans, the Destroyer is mainly responsible for all the broken coffee table, lamps, remotes and televisions in an avid Ray fans households.

E- The passive-aggressive- The passive aggressive is a method used by the most emotionally worn fan of them all; the fan who has seen the same season unfold year after year, game after game. The “PA” as professor Dukes calls it, simply changes the channel in the sixth inning knowing his team will blow their 5 run lead.

So what’s your reaction Devil Ray nation? Is it A? Is it all of the above?

Feel free to chime in on your reaction type and we will be sure to forward it to Dr. Dukes….


Eric said...

I'm more of a C., but in sardonic fashion. Like I see the score in the 6th, D-Rays up and notice that they are losing in the 8th and I say "Fucking D-Rays".

I caught some putz on Cold Pizza saying that the D-Rays were the worst team in the league (despite them not having the worst record which to me is the most direct evidence who is at the bottom) because all these scouts say so. I had a C. reaction to that also.

Rodrigo said...

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