SI Swimsuit Issue

Apparently unsatisfied with the already tenuous link between women in bikinis and sports, Sports Illustrated's 2007 swimsuit issue will make an even larger stretch, parlaying their annual softcore porn guised as fashion to include music.

Yes, the SI Swimsuit Music Issue.

Undoubtedly this issue will contain a screed that proclaims music and sports as being inexorably linked. Surely, they'll say, what would a trip to a sporting event be without music? It will also mention that athletes use music to prepare for their contests. It's even a question MNF frequently asks when interviewing players. Musicians also like sports. They're connected to the point of inseparability, at least that's what SI will tell you. Hey, and considering the greatness of Jock Jams I - IIXX (excluding XI, which was poor to fair) they may have a point

Insofar as sports are entertainment and music, too, is entertainment, there is a connection. But does that mean all forms of entertainment are linked? Can we expect the SI Swimsuit Comedy Issue or SI Swimsuit Riverdance Issue?

And it's not like sporting events or locker rooms are the only place you'll find music. In fact, music is fairly omnipresent -- where there are people you can generally find music.

Once you get past wanting to strangle the person who came up with this ridiculous and pointless theme, you start to realize there's a big upside. Shakira, Beyonce, Enya, Shinad O'Conner; there are some hot musicians I wouldn't mind seeing mostly nude -- except SI is such a joke of a publication that they even managed to screw that up:

The inside of the magazine features scantily clad models posing with Kanye West, Aerosmith, Kenny Chesney, Gnarls Barkley and Panic! At the Disco. A five-page spread featuring model Anne Vyalitsyna was shot at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum in Cleveland.

Kenny Chesney? I'm going to buy a magazine to look at Kenny Chesney posing with a model? Panic! At the Disco? PANIC AT THE FREAKING DISCO GETS TO BE WITH THE GIRLS WE'RE SUPPOSED TO FANTASIZE ABOUT?!!! And I'm supposed to watch?

But, SI have no fear, I'm here to save your wretched publication, with a great idea for your 2008 Swimsuit issue -- and this time there is true connection with sports.

The SI Swimsuit Law & Order DA Issue. With such beauties as:


This one chick.


This other girl. She used to be a 007 girl. On the show she let McCoy do his job, always acted suprised at his mad prosecuting genius.


She's married to former Rams/Giants DB Jason Sehorn, who proved to the NFL world that one good year and good looks can make you famous. Jason Sehorn also was in an SI issue with Jason Taylor. Not with JT, but in the same issue


I always liked this one a lot. She seemed friendly but was good at the job. You got the feeling that her and McCoy were shagging despite the age difference.


Wikipedia tells me she's on the show now. Whatever, she's smoking hot so in the issue she goes.


She was a mean chick, but she's on SVU so it comes with the turf. On her first show she almost ruined the case by being a nosey-nanny. Tough gal.



I always liked this one a lot despite the quasi-Rebecca Lobo length face. Casey, I think her name was. Icy demeanor, played by the rules, always had a smug grin on her face -- until one show she got shot.



And SI, I give you your 2008 Swimsuit cover.

Dumb Redskins

I saw this link on the dumbest sports quotes and couldn't help but notice that there was two redskins on there...Coincidence? I think not.


"I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl."

Joe Jacoby, NFL Football player, of the Washington Redskins

"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
(Can someone tell me, who the hack is Norman Einstein?)

Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann

I aint no dawdor but that aint smaht!

Daisuke Mat-chug-zaka

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Just a few days into spring training and Dice-K is already running afoul of the US government, specifically the Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau, whose office parties have won the award for "Worst Parties Ever" six years running.

The problem is that Matsuzaka starred in a beer commercial in Japan and an athlete is prohibited from appearing in beer commercials in the US since 1874 or whenever this archaic law was written. And yes, you read that correctly; he starred in a beer commercial in Japan and starring in beer commercials as an athlete is illegal in the United States. From the article...cue pull quotes:

A slick commercial for Asahi “Super” Dry beer features Matsuzaka donning a Red Sox jersey and throwing in full uniform in front of a simulated frenzied throng (ed: one of these days they'll forget an 'R' and that sentence will be a hell of a lot more funny. And I'm not talking about a fenzied throng, either *). In between those shots, Matsuzaka, in street clothes, is shown first taking a couple of gulps from a large glass of beer. After a quick cut, the shot returns to Matsuzaka downing the beer and, with foam on his lips, smiling and sighing contentedly.

Silly commercial, Japanese people are always smiling and sighing contentedly, it's part of their culture!

According to Arthur Resnick, director of public and media affairs for the Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau in Washington, D.C., Matsuzaka’s Asahi ad may merit punitive action.
“Our jurisdiction runs to false and misleading ads,” said Resnick, who pointed to a 1995 ruling that says the bureau would consider unacceptable any ad “which depicts any individual (famous athlete or otherwise) consuming or about to consume an alcoholic beverage prior to or during an athletic activity or event,” or an ad that states that drinking alcohol “will enhance athletic prowess, performance at athletic activities or events, health or conditioning.”

This is asinine. It's asinine that we pay a bureau that has such a paucity of tasks that they even look into this sort of thing.

The actual commercial in question IS FREAKING AWESOME. And I will only be drinking Asahi from now on or until I become a famous pitcher for the Red Sox, because the commercial makes it abundantly clear that if you drink enough Asahi Super Dry you're pretty much on a one-way train to Fenway Park.

I'm actually drinking two as I type this.

Cue Japanesse announcer: "Asahi: SuperDuurrryyy!"



* While on the subject of editing errors and sex, I've gotta bring up the famous Chicago Tribune error that turned "You Can't Say That" into "You Cunt Say That" -- on the front page of the WomanNews section.

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