D-Ray reaction

Is it just me but when the D-Rays lose, they lose is fan-torturing, hair pulling, expletive throwing fashion? I thought to understand this torture; I would consult chief D-Ray scientist and scholar Elijah Dukes, who has come up with a variety of reactions and reflexes that we D-rays fans frequently utilize….


A- The “Knee Jerk Reaction”- A staple in avid sports fans repertoire, the “knee jerk reaction” usually entails uncontrolled flailing of the limbs while screaming for one’s team. If not controlled the “knee-jerk” as it is known, can destroy tables, injure nearby puppies and causing scenes at nearby Beef-O-Bradys.

B- The Maddon Reflex- Primarily used for Devil Ray games, the Maddon Reflex causes the fan to unleash well-deserved verbal lashings to the incompetent skipper. More uncommonly, The Maddon reflex can be used for a variety of purposes. (I.E. The weather is rainy because of Joe Maddon. Joe Maddon caused Global Warming. Joe Maddon started hurricane Katrina….etc.)

C- The Expletive tosser- a personal favorite, this reflex can break up a quiet evening at a local eatery and at the same time, cause marital problems and in rare cases mentally damage a nearby youngster.

D- The Destroyer- predominantly used by the most passionate of Rays fans, the Destroyer is mainly responsible for all the broken coffee table, lamps, remotes and televisions in an avid Ray fans households.

E- The passive-aggressive- The passive aggressive is a method used by the most emotionally worn fan of them all; the fan who has seen the same season unfold year after year, game after game. The “PA” as professor Dukes calls it, simply changes the channel in the sixth inning knowing his team will blow their 5 run lead.


So what’s your reaction Devil Ray nation? Is it A? Is it all of the above?

Feel free to chime in on your reaction type and we will be sure to forward it to Dr. Dukes….

Elijah Dukes

You can take the man out of the ghetto but you cannot take the ghetto out of the man. On 620 WDAE this morning, Elijah Dukes fired off about how he is being wrongly labeled as a troublemaker. In case you don't pay attention, the guy has six kids with five different women, threatned to kill one of them and more recently, impregnated a seventeen year old girl who was living with his grandmother. His mom came out publicly last week and stated it wasn't Elijah's fault.

This is a direct quote from his mom (seriously):
"Every time one of those (whores) lays down with my baby, they end up pregnant," she said. "That's right. And I'm tired of them."

Below is a link to the rather funny interview from this morning..

Dukes Interview

D-Ray blowpen

I don't get worked up about much....But the D-rays need to begin a scutinous process of self evaluation....

BUT HOW THE HELL DO YOU GIVE UP SIX RUNS IN THE NINTH INNING?

How are any of those bullpen pitchers still in the Majors?

How do you go into an offseason with leauges worst bullpen and do absolutely nothing about it?

How long will fans put up with this?

When are you going to spend some money on your ROSTER?

How could you think of drafting anyone but David Price in the Mlb Draft?

Is Shawn Camp the worst pitcher in the game?

Has Brian Stokes ever recorded an out in his entire pitching career?

GOD I HATE THIS TEAM!

AH!!!!!!!!

Late Friday News and Notes

Shibam!

I OFTEN WONDER how various game crews deal with those pesky fans in the background, fans that keep their heads in frame the entire time all while making faces or waving.

I assume that a camera grip waves them off or makes mean faces. Sometimes I imagine that during a commercial break or cut away that the crew threatens the fans, "If you put your head back in this shot we're going add a graphic of an arrow pointing to you saying "This dude bangs little boys.""

Tonight during the Warriors/Jazz game Mike Tirico taught me two of his methods.

The on-air call out. "Some stooge just spilled champagne on us"

The point blank. "Yes, we see you sir, now get out of our ears."

Awesome.

I don't really like Mike Tirico for anything than college sports. I think his laid back attitude, delivery and higher voice are great for the college environment, but sound rather amateurish and less solemn for professional color commentary.

I think he gets so many gigs due to his blackness (of which he is in short supply of).

Regardless, he has provided me with a few memorable moments last year during his 10 million different jobs.

1. MNF, circa week 2 or 3, with Tony Kornheiser still learning the ropes. TK was talking about his daughter's prom and said, "I'm not sure if can do this, give a plug, but Morton's Steakhouse..." and Tirico cut him off on air and scolded him under his breath -- right then and there -- "Stop that! What are you doing?"

2. Last year with Tiger ripping through his win streak Tirico was doing some PGA time and, while talking about VJ Singh's lack of media coverage, Tirico referred to Singh as "Dude," as in, "I mean. this dude..." Dude. During golf. He called somebody else dude later that telecast. It ruled.

BARON DAVIS' DUNK was the NBA play of the year.

DIRK WINS THE MVP...more like Man Vanquished (by) Pressure.

HOW TO WIN MORE GAMES; AN IDEA. Hire a Ninja to get a seat next to the tunnel, and after the game, when the players gives high fives, do a crazy pressure point snap to the star player's hand. I mean those are million dollar hands those guys just let regular people touch. Ninjas. I'm telling you.

I HOPE THE JAZZ LOSE, based solely on the Derrick Fisher story. I'm a sappy dude and I'm happy for the guy and his family and everything. Yeah for you D-Fish and Daughter-Fish. Hell, the movie Rudy, I cry every time. Remember the Titans, sobbing. Freaking Rudy! But as of this game, one day after Derrick Fisher mumbled Ophtamaliosis (or whatever-iosis) on national TV, it's now told on TNT that his on-air action alone heroicaly saved tens-of-thousands of children from eye cancer and cured world hunger and saved the polar bears and fixed global warming. And if the Jazz keep winning it will only get worse. He'll be fixing shit we didn't even know was a problem yet.

RACE TO THE BOTTOM UPDATE:
Washington %.286
Kansas City .306
Texas / Tampa Bay / Toronto .400

Go Nats. We Believe.

D-Ray Disapointment

Well, its another year in D-rayville and it seems not a whole lot has changed. Yes, the young lineup shows dramatic progress and our highly touted young prospects (Delmon Young,Iwamura..etc) are finally beginning to live up to their hype. With that being said, the leagues by far worst bullpen is just the same as last year, absolutely atrocious. For decency purposes, I'm not going to pick on the rotation even though its just as bad, (Casey Fossum a starter! I mean come on!). Anyways, somehow management must have thought it would magically get better over the offseason purely through faith. I cannot believe how bad the pitching is. Like, the other day, I turned off the Orioles game in the sixth inning because it was 7-1, only to find the next morning that the Orioles came back to win the game 9-7! I'm sorry man but Scott Kazmir can't pitch every inning of every game, eventually your gonna have to shell out money. Yea, that's right money, the blatant reason the Yankees and Red Sox finish 1-2 in the division every single year. It must be hard to ignore the fact that A-rod and Jeter make more in a year than the D-rays spend on their entire organization. Can somebody tell me why do I care about a team that lost 100 games last year?

Say What?

During the Twins / Yanks spring training game today, the annoucers gave a little AL East preview --
"The Yanks -- can they remain healthy and overcoming A-Rod distractions?
The Red Sox -- can(I missed this part...not important)?
The O's, can they find quality pitching after their big 3 starters?
The D-Rays are going to be terrible."